There’s something I have been challenging our church to do recently. I have been telling them that every believer needs three people in their lives: a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabas. A Paul is someone who is a bit further along in their spiritual walk than you and disciples you in your faith like Paul did for Timothy and others. A Timothy then is someone whom you can be a Paul for - someone who is not quite as far along spiritually as you that you can disciple and help grow in their faith. A Barnabas is a close and trusted friend whom you can walk side-by-side with and sharpen one another through discipleship as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).

Most Christians agree with the idea and even long to have those three types of people in their lives, but many Christians have no idea where to start or how to find them. I don’t suggest you walk up to someone randomly and ask them “will you be my Paul?” Nor should you look at someone and say, “I think I’m much more spiritually mature than you and I think you need my help!” Instead of finding a Paul, you may have actually create a Saul in your life if you take that approach! So how do you find these people?

Start in your church

Look around on Sunday mornings. These are the people you see and worship together with on a weekly basis. Who among that group have you seen show spiritual maturity? Who have you seen struggling in their faith? Who do you think could be a great person for you to spend more time with? Find one person and invite them to grab coffee together. Better yet, invite them to your home and begin getting to know them. Ask them about their personal journey with Jesus: how they got saved, what kind of home they grew up in, what brought them to this church, etc. Begin gaining insight into their spiritual walk to know whether this person best fits the desctiption of a Paul, Timothy or Barnabas.

You’ll need to do more than just show up on Sunday morning services to identify them. Go to church early and stay late after the service and talk to people about more than just the weather! Show up at as many events at your church as possible and begin looking for those people you see often and start having intentional spiritual conversations with them. The people of your church should be the #1 pool of people you pull from when it comes to discipleship relationships.

Have a Plan

What will you talk about if they accept your invitation to coffee or dinner? You need to have a plan. I’m not suggesting that you buy a big whiteboard from amazon and write out 20 questions to drill them with like a job interview. Just know what you want to talk about and make sure it’s a conversation centered on spiritual things. Do you have something going on in your life that you would like to share with them and ask them to pray for? Do you want to hear their personal testimony? We’ve created a resource at MissionWay that will help you get started. Under our “Marks of an everyday disciple” we have questions that are discipleship-focused. They are designed to make you think and help you go beyond the surface in your walk with Christ. Maybe you take the four marks (each has two questions attached) and commit to 4 weeks together where you discuss one mark each week. You can find these marks and questions on this page. Whatever you do, have a plan for what you will discuss.

Move through the awkwardness

Yes, this will likely be awkward at first. You’re not going to have a secret handshake on day one. you’ll need to fight through the awkwardness to begin forming a real relationship. Sure, sometimes things just ‘click’ right away and you know early on that this person will be a trusted friend, but more often than not, the best relationships are built because two people intentionally pushed past the awkwardness to get to something real.

Prioritize this

One of the most empty phrases said on Sunday mornings in conversations is “we need to get together sometime.” How often have you said that and it never happens? Just me? If you don’t put it on the calendar and block that time out, it’s almost sure to get pushed aside or forgotten about entirely. Treat it like an obligation. Not in a cold-hearted kind of way, but make a commitment to it.

When our daughter started gymnastics, we were told she would have practice 3 days per week for 4 hours at a time. We had to move stuff around and organize our week in such a way that we could make sure she was there. We were happy to do it because it was important to her and therefore to us. That’s how we should treat the Church in general - especially Sunday mornings and discipleship relationships. If you don’t prioritize it, it simply will not happen because life is busy. But we always make the time for the things that matter.

Start today

The temptation for many of us is going to be that we wait until life slows down to find our Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas. Who comes to your mind? Text them now. Don’t have their number? Reach out to someone who does. Put a reminder in your phone now to seek them out on Sunday. Do whatever it takes to ensure that this doesn’t get pushed off. Reach out to your pastor to help you find someone. I know personally I would love to help anyone at MissionWay find their Paul, Timothy, or Barnabas. But I can’t make anyone do this, we all have to make the commitment and start pursuing these discipleship relationships.

Just pick one person to pursue for now. Don’t get to hung up on whether they are a Paul, a Timothy, or a Barnabas right away - just start getting to know someone and building that relationship. I’m not trying to get us to be robotic about this. You can have two Paul’s, one Timothy, and three Barnabas’. Someone can be a Paul and a Barnabas at the same time. We all need people pouring into us and people we are pouring into - that’s the point. So get started today - don’t wait for it to just happen. Find your Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas!

Command me, Lord—
Eternal, beating Heart of Heaven.
Will You grant me, O Ancient of Days,
That final rest beneath Your wings?

Let Your perpetual light fall on dust—
This frame of mine, frail and fading.
Zion, crowned and lifted high,
Shall tremble at Your coming glory.
And homage, Lord—yes, all homage—
Shall rise for You alone.

Before my breath knew Your Name,
You placed me among Your sheep.
Your right hand drew the line,
Separating me from goats.
Your voice declared,
"You hear all prayers."

What tongue could ever praise You rightly?
You search the heart—I leave it bare.
It prays in silence,
For You know the words before they rise.

O King of Glory, Jesus—
Christ, in You I trusted mercy.
All flesh shall stand before You
When the appointed time arrives.

Grant me, Lord, Your eternal rest
When the Great Trembling shakes the heavens.
Let Your unending light fall on me—
A sinner in need of grace.

When You descend from Your throne,
Will You look away from me?
In You, I am laid bare,
My shame like a crimson tide.

Will I too dissolve—
Ashes on the day of wrath?
How shall I answer
When the Lamb opens the Book?

Who will intercede?
Who shall speak for me?
Will I be found among the spared?
Will You remember the thief
And do the same for me?

Still—will You be
The Merciful Friend I once knew?
You bore the dust that belonged to me.
Not I, but You were raised on the Cross.
Not my blood—but Yours poured down.

So, Lord, I plead—
Let not such love be in vain.
Let not Your sacrifice
Fall empty at my feet.

Scripture References for further reflection:

Matt 11:28 & 25:32
Psalm 139:2 & Psalm 27:1
John 5:28-29
Malachi 3:2-3
Hebrews 12:2
Luke 23:42-43
Ephesians 1:7
Revelation 5:6

Unchangeable God of Grace,
Merciful Lord of Heaven and Earth,
Your hand painted me from clay,
I, frail and full of ash.

The more I see You,
The less, I see myself.
Full of Ashes and Draped in ashes,
I seek You—the Eternal Being.
Breathe in me, O Jesus,
Grant me life anew.

Teach me to love You
As You command.
Hear the cry of this image,
Shaped by Your hand from ash.
You, the High Eternal;
Me, but a fleeting creature.

Before I could praise or love You,
I had to know You—
Yet how could I know You
Unless You called me? Clean me as you like
It was Your gift of faith,
Your grace,
That drew my gaze toward You,
Toward Your equal, “The Son of Man,”
And to the “Spirit of Truth.”

You contain Heaven and Earth and Everything There,
Their songs rising in perfect obedience.
And I, a fragment of Your creation,
Lift my voice as well.

Do not hide Your face
From this poor dreamer,
This seeker of truth.
You formed me,
And did not wish me, To vanish among Your wonder creatures.

My heart, restless, finds peace in You alone.
Yet, how can any part of me
Hold even a shadow of Your glory?
For long, I dreamt of holding You within me,
But how could this heart of flesh
Contain even a piece of You? Not exploding?!

You called, and You came.
You filled me with Your boundless love.
And still,
I remain the beggar—Ever longing for more mercy,
More grace.

My Lord, Holy God,
An awe-full mystery to me.
Your mercy is Holy,
Your love is Holy,
Your justice is Holy,
Your knowledge is Holy.

Your Spirit is Holy,
Your Son is Holy,
Your Word is Holy,
Your City is Holy.
Your Sabbath is Holy,
Your days are Holy days,
Your life is Holy.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah!
What You call Holy—is Holy.
I repent of my unholiness.

You are Holy—
The undefinable Mystery,
The Holy Mystery to me,
"The unholy creature."

Grant me grace and mercies
To be Holy, Touch my heart!
Make me a Holy son for You.

You have drawn me to Yourself—
The ever-magnet of my soul,
Always attracted,
Yet fearful of Your Holiness.

Trying to live with You,
Yet I cannot live without You!

**The following blog post is a poem written by one of our church members - John K.

It was not my choice to step on this earth,
Nor to be given life, nor the place of my birth.
Father and Mother were not my choices,
My own decisions fleeting, like all of mankind’s voices.

You breathed air into me, gave me the spark,
Opened my eyes to see stars in the dark.
I marveled at wonders, creation so vast,
And questioned tomorrow by looking at the past.

What is this love? How could I know?
A gift from my mother—her warmth would show.
She fed me with care, her heart so wide,
Yet in my youth—foolishly—I questioned, I pried.

“Why bring me here?” I challenged her so,
But she too bore questions she couldn't let go.
Years passed, and shame cast its light on me,
How blind I had been to her love so free!

Her love was my first, sacrificial and true,
A mirror of something far greater—You.
For years, I searched, thirsty and lost,
Seeking a love that could bear any cost.

You gave me a mind to ponder and yearn,
With endless questions at every turn.
“Who is He? Whose image am I?
What lies beyond the stars in the sky?”

I couldn't see You, not even my face;
How could I fathom Your boundless grace?
Yet, You called me, the lowest of all,
From dust to Your image, You bid me to fall.

Your angels cry “Holy,” unending in song,
Yet still, You sought me, though I felt so wrong.
What did You see in this creature of clay,
To choose me, to love me, to show me the way?

Through Your Son, I saw Your design,
A love eternal, a grace divine.
You answered my questions, You quieted my fear;
Through whispers of truth, Your presence drew near.

No place can I flee, no shadow to hide,
For You fill all time, all space, all sides.
Your will became mine, as You shaped my heart;
Your grace rewrote what I thought from the start.

Now, I stand, no longer alone,
Held in Your mercy, forever Your own.
The smallest touch of You—vast and true—
Is more than enough to make me pursue

A life of worship, through Your Son,
Until Your eternal kingdom is won.
My thirst is quenched, my hunger stilled;
By Your love, my soul is fulfilled.