Far too often, church feels like a place where we pass by familiar faces on a regular basis and less like a family. I’ve talked to countless people who say they want to find meaningful relationships at church but find themselves often frustrated by the lack thereof. We tend to think the problem is a lack of programming and small groups and very seldom ask what we are doing that is preventing us from having authentic community at our church. If we are going to foster the kind of biblical fellowship and deep relationships we say we long for, it’s going to require some shifts in our mindset. Below, I will share a few of those and some steps we can take to make these changes.

Drop the Consumer Mindset

The Church is not a product to be consumed or an organization to join, it’s a people and a family to share your life with. You don’t go to church to consume a product, you go to gather and fellowship with God’s people because of the Gospel to worship Jesus Christ. You go to equip one another for the work of the ministry (Ephesians 4:11-16). Don’t show up asking what your church can do for you, show up asking how God has gifted you to serve your church.

Show up early and stay late

If you’ve been around MissionWay lately you’ve likely heard me already talk about this and you’re tired of hearing me say it. But I really believe this is one of the best and yet most under utilized tools we have to foster community on Sunday mornings. At MissionWay, many people don’t arrive at the service until about 10 minutes into the service and some leave before the service is actually dismissed. Not to mention the message you’re communicating to the people who prayed and planned every aspect of the service to minister to those who would come, but you’re stifling any opportunity for meaningful connections and conversations. If you would come early and linger after the service is done with the purpose of talking with folks and having meaninful conversations, your chances at building authentic community go WAY up almost instantly. This is not the end-all-be-all, nor does it guarantee you’ll build relationships, but it’s a way too often neglected and simple tool.

Prioritize the Church gatherings and people

This seems like an obvious statement, I know, but consider an example I’ve used a couple of times recently: when my daughter joined the gymnastics team, and we were told she had practice 3 times per week, we did not sit down and assess whether we were going to make the time. We simply talked about how we were going to make the time - it wasn’t an option whether or not she would go, we just had to orchestrate our lives in a way that ensured she would go. How many of us actually do this with the church? We attend Sunday mornings as long as nothing else is happening, and when the church announces events aimed at fellowship, we check our calendars and if it’s clear, we consider signing up instead of prioritizing the church as a “big rock” in our schedules that we fit other things around.

Secondly, under this point, consider how we respond when someone from church asks us to hang out. We search our calendars high and low for a time when not much else is going on. When a family member or close friend reaches out, we cancel other things to make time. Why don’t we do this with our brothers and sisters in Christ? Of course, we can and should have friends outside of our church, but I think your local church family should be one of the primary sets of people that you prioritize time for. In a similar way that if I have the chance to hang out with you or my wife, I’ll choose my wife. If given the choice to hang out with a coworker or fellow church member, we need to choose to be with the church member.

Take initiative

This is a thread woven throughout this article, but I also want to make sure I explicitly state it: don’t wait for community to happen at your church, go out and make it happen. Don’t wait for your church to start a group or plan an event, meet people, and have them over for dinner. If you ask people why their church lacks community, you’ll typically hear something that they believe their church lacks programmatically, but seldom hear them share how they have not been as intentional as they should be. I’m not trying to lessen the church leadership’s responsibility to help foster genuine community; I’m saying that if church members are not intentional, it doesn’t matter how well programmed your church is, community will only be able to be surface-level.

Seek Biblical fellowship over superficial community

This one is really important. You can find a general sense of “community” in many places, but the idea of biblical fellowship that we find in the New Testament in places like Hebrews 10:19-25 only happens when we move past conversations about the kids and the weather. We have to strive to “stir one another to love and good works.” We have to be willing to share our struggles with trials and temptations. We have to ask how people are really doing and not settle for the simple “I’m good, just busy” response. Ask people what God is teaching them. Ask them what they need prayer for. Sit down for extended periods of time with people and really get to know them and talk about spiritual things. We have to work hard at going past superficial community because biblical fellowship doesn’t just happen, and it will require some “provoking” of one another at times.

This kind of authentic community is hard, but so worth it. It means altering your life and schedule in significant ways. But the consequence if we don’t is that we won’t move past superficial relationships in the church and will likely find ourselves jumping from church to church looking for something we’re not willing to put the work in to find.