There’s something I have been challenging our church to do recently. I have been telling them that every believer needs three people in their lives: a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabas. A Paul is someone who is a bit further along in their spiritual walk than you and disciples you in your faith like Paul did for Timothy and others. A Timothy then is someone whom you can be a Paul for - someone who is not quite as far along spiritually as you that you can disciple and help grow in their faith. A Barnabas is a close and trusted friend whom you can walk side-by-side with and sharpen one another through discipleship as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
Most Christians agree with the idea and even long to have those three types of people in their lives, but many Christians have no idea where to start or how to find them. I don’t suggest you walk up to someone randomly and ask them “will you be my Paul?” Nor should you look at someone and say, “I think I’m much more spiritually mature than you and I think you need my help!” Instead of finding a Paul, you may have actually create a Saul in your life if you take that approach! So how do you find these people?
Start in your church
Look around on Sunday mornings. These are the people you see and worship together with on a weekly basis. Who among that group have you seen show spiritual maturity? Who have you seen struggling in their faith? Who do you think could be a great person for you to spend more time with? Find one person and invite them to grab coffee together. Better yet, invite them to your home and begin getting to know them. Ask them about their personal journey with Jesus: how they got saved, what kind of home they grew up in, what brought them to this church, etc. Begin gaining insight into their spiritual walk to know whether this person best fits the desctiption of a Paul, Timothy or Barnabas.
You’ll need to do more than just show up on Sunday morning services to identify them. Go to church early and stay late after the service and talk to people about more than just the weather! Show up at as many events at your church as possible and begin looking for those people you see often and start having intentional spiritual conversations with them. The people of your church should be the #1 pool of people you pull from when it comes to discipleship relationships.
Have a Plan
What will you talk about if they accept your invitation to coffee or dinner? You need to have a plan. I’m not suggesting that you buy a big whiteboard from amazon and write out 20 questions to drill them with like a job interview. Just know what you want to talk about and make sure it’s a conversation centered on spiritual things. Do you have something going on in your life that you would like to share with them and ask them to pray for? Do you want to hear their personal testimony? We’ve created a resource at MissionWay that will help you get started. Under our “Marks of an everyday disciple” we have questions that are discipleship-focused. They are designed to make you think and help you go beyond the surface in your walk with Christ. Maybe you take the four marks (each has two questions attached) and commit to 4 weeks together where you discuss one mark each week. You can find these marks and questions on this page. Whatever you do, have a plan for what you will discuss.
Move through the awkwardness
Yes, this will likely be awkward at first. You’re not going to have a secret handshake on day one. you’ll need to fight through the awkwardness to begin forming a real relationship. Sure, sometimes things just ‘click’ right away and you know early on that this person will be a trusted friend, but more often than not, the best relationships are built because two people intentionally pushed past the awkwardness to get to something real.
Prioritize this
One of the most empty phrases said on Sunday mornings in conversations is “we need to get together sometime.” How often have you said that and it never happens? Just me? If you don’t put it on the calendar and block that time out, it’s almost sure to get pushed aside or forgotten about entirely. Treat it like an obligation. Not in a cold-hearted kind of way, but make a commitment to it.
When our daughter started gymnastics, we were told she would have practice 3 days per week for 4 hours at a time. We had to move stuff around and organize our week in such a way that we could make sure she was there. We were happy to do it because it was important to her and therefore to us. That’s how we should treat the Church in general - especially Sunday mornings and discipleship relationships. If you don’t prioritize it, it simply will not happen because life is busy. But we always make the time for the things that matter.
Start today
The temptation for many of us is going to be that we wait until life slows down to find our Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas. Who comes to your mind? Text them now. Don’t have their number? Reach out to someone who does. Put a reminder in your phone now to seek them out on Sunday. Do whatever it takes to ensure that this doesn’t get pushed off. Reach out to your pastor to help you find someone. I know personally I would love to help anyone at MissionWay find their Paul, Timothy, or Barnabas. But I can’t make anyone do this, we all have to make the commitment and start pursuing these discipleship relationships.
Just pick one person to pursue for now. Don’t get to hung up on whether they are a Paul, a Timothy, or a Barnabas right away - just start getting to know someone and building that relationship. I’m not trying to get us to be robotic about this. You can have two Paul’s, one Timothy, and three Barnabas’. Someone can be a Paul and a Barnabas at the same time. We all need people pouring into us and people we are pouring into - that’s the point. So get started today - don’t wait for it to just happen. Find your Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas!